If I Had One More Chance, What Would I Say To Maddie Today?
It’s been more than six years since we lost our beloved daughter, Maddie, to depression at the tender age of fourteen. It’s hard to describe what has transpired since that dreaded day. It has left this indelible imprint upon the lives of our family and so many of our friends. Yet, it is a legacy that has touched the lives of so many. Some that knew Maddie, many that didn’t and some that want to leave a positive footprint on the lives of today's youth and tomorrow.
I often reflect upon what I wish I had done differently, the regret of some things I’d said and others that I hadn’t said. Do I parent differently with Sawyer and Zac? I don’t think so, but I’m keenly aware of our conversations and the possible consequences that can arise from them. I’m a better listener. I’m more protective. I’m infinitely more aware of my reactions to our discussions.
There are some mornings that I wake up, and I’ve dreamed that Maddie and I have had a conversation. I’m not sure what prompts these dreams or even if they’re a dream at all. Sometimes it seems so real. How our subconscious plays on our emotional loss can be cruel and yet can give us hope. My dream never seems to last long enough. I never want them to end….but they do.
What would a conversation between Maddie and I look like today in the wake of everything’s that happened? Would there be regret? Would anything have changed the ultimate outcome? Was I a good Dad?
