How Does Tremendous Purpose Come From the Darkest Tragedy?
Does the hurting ever stop? I don’t know because I’m not even close to being there yet. A big part of me wants the pain to go away but not at the cost of the memories. The memories are what I cherish, what I hold onto when I want to feel close to Madeline.
This is what I felt 2 months after Maddie’s death, and this is still how I feel today, over six years after her death.
We tragically lost our daughter Madeline on April 11th, 2015. What I have experienced since that day has been unimaginable. My youngest son said to me, “Dad, I’ve seen you cry about 50 times in my life, two years ago and about 49 times in the months immediately following Maddie’s death.” It’s true. Six years after the fact, I still well up several times a week.
In the first two months following our loss of Maddie, I was more emotional than I was in the first weeks after her death. My feeling of loss was more apparent than ever. In the first weeks following Madeline’s service, I had had such clarity and focus. I had never been more productive and efficient at work. I almost felt guilty. Slowly over the next few weeks, the dark clouds started to set in, and my once crystal clear vision had become muddied. Each day was a new experience, and unsure what the next day would bring.
