How Can It Be So Dark Even on the Sunniest Days?
A Personal Narrative of Life with Depression
Originally Published October 2013
People may criticize me for posting something that is so deeply personal in a very public forum. This is not intended to be a soapbox account of me airing my dirty laundry nor is it a cry for help as I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff. This is my personal narrative of breaking through to the other side and seeing the good that has come from a very dark period of my life.
Why?
This is not about getting the most “likes”, “tweets” or “shares”. This is not about garnering sympathy. I don’t want a barrage of calls or emails asking if I’m alright. I am. I’ve got three tremendous kids. I’m in an amazing relationship. I have a great support network of friends and family. I’m doing something I’m passionate about, making a difference with a business partner that I’m philosophically aligned with.
Up until recently, life wasn’t grand! In fact it pretty much sucked. I was forced to close a business of twenty years, my marriage failed and I was working for a terrible company. I was allowing my spirits to follow on the same path as my business and my marriage. I was depressed. One day I woke up and screamed “Enough!”
If by sharing my experience can help one person feel inspired to change his/her outlook on life then my story has served its purpose.
Excuse me but when does this ride end?
I’m not exactly sure when it started but it’s a slippery slope. Once you’re on the descent you need to do something to pull yourself out of it before you go into a complete tailspin. I was in denial. How could I be depressed? I was depressed and I needed help but mostly I needed to help myself.
Some days, even the smallest and simplest thing can set you off. You can think you’re through it but all of a sudden it bears its talons on your shoulders and you’re back in its clutches again.
Netflix is not your friend
Sometimes the things that feel the most comforting at that particular moment are the worst things that your mind and body need. Things like being in a social environment with tons of people when all you really want is to be by yourself and hug your pillow.
Starting that eight season series on Netflix is probably not what your body or your mind need at that particular moment in time although it can feel pretty comforting in the moment.
